I used to think that only the weak lose themselves, I wasn’t wrong, the ones who lose themselves are weak. I used to lose myself then lie to myself that I wasn’t weak because I wasn’t supposed to lose myself, do you understand? It wasn’t an option in the manual I came with. But there I was being overridden by an anomaly that shouldn’t even exist.
I was expected to be perfect, anything different was not an option. Small shortcomings graduated into massive failures the type you won’t find in the manual, I couldn’t keep up, the vase couldn’t keep up with being shattered and taped over and over again. The shortcomings didn’t teach me how to dust myself up and go at it again, all I knew was that it wasn’t meant to happen; I wasn’t meant to be here and when the failures came I couldn’t function, my faculties didn’t go AWOL because they didn’t know how to. I’m supposed to be told something like ‘keep moving’ but how do you keep moving if there were no reservations for stops in the first place. All I could think about was how I got this far off. How do you explain to them that you were incapable, where did you even learn that word from? All I’m saying is that you’re supposed to lose yourself in an all too noisy world, I’m not going to make this fancy by saying something like ‘it is how you get back up that matters’ where is the functionality in that if you haven’t lost yourself completely?